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Keep It Real!

I’ll take real over perfection any day!  Real beauty creates an experience; it inspires and transforms and lifts up all who witness and share it.  Perfection…a photo-shopped model with an air-brushed complexion and a completely different body, altered to be thinner… it’s flat, pretty, a certain ‘art form’ in and of itself while lacking depth, limited in its ability to inspire beyond an appreciation of its surface beauty.  Something nice to look at, if that’s your thing.  Nothing wrong with it, is there really?

Well, it SHOULD (oops, shouldn’t SHOULD on myself…oops, did it again! lol) …but it should be limited in its ability.  As often happens, though, we make the rule, the trend, the big picture (pardon the pun) …we make the magazines, the #MissRep resentation of that perfection the villain.  

There is no doubt that the ASSUMPTION created from the continued photo-shopping of beauty leaves women and girls feeling inadequate; no doubt that it SEEMS as if we above average weight, sometimes blotchy-skinned, too-thin upper lip or whatever-your-issue-is ‘real’ beauties …it seems as if WE are the minority and are not really beautiful at all.  Otherwise, why aren’t WE in there?  It’s a bitch er dog eat dog world and we haven’t competed well enough to ‘rise to the top’ of the beauty ladder.  Haven’t lost enough weight, had enough plastic surgery or found the right photographer with the stellar computer graphic design skills. 

Well maybe a question to ask is what has us buy it?  ANY of it!  It could be that the ‘just a pretty face’ perfection of the photo-shopped model is just that!  Maybe we could try loving ourselves more and giving a number 2 less (to quote those Men in Black) about the shallow, fake world of beauty in those pages.  I don’t buy them, pick them up or read them and neither does my daughter.  She’s a dancer and loves the sticky-out mole on her collar bone, her two thumbs that are different sizes and all the parts of herself that allow her to do the things she does with her body and her mind, whether they are traditionally ‘perfect’ or not.

So I totally get that we can correct the misrepresentation of real beauty by pleading and tweeting and blogging and posting as I am doing here during this challenge.  HOWEVER, to #KeepItReal I wonder if we are not doomed to fail… how could they ever contain even ONE photo that is completely real?  It would show without a single doubt the difference between what they’ve been selling as ‘real’ beauty and what the REALITY actually is.  How on earth could they do THAT and still continue to publish in the same way.

So I’m keeping it real HERE by asking the questions and looking at the whole picture of this epidemic of perfection and asking myself, and YOU… what do we do to embrace our own imperfections and real beauty?

Hitting my stride and learning to pace myself so that I can go the distance… at 46 years old!  Thank you, brothers, for inspiring me and being with me every step of the way.  I love you both so much.
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Hitting my stride and learning to pace myself so that I can go the distance… at 46 years old!  Thank you, brothers, for inspiring me and being with me every step of the way.  I love you both so much.

40 - 6 Years In!

My brother, Kyle, asked what it was like turning 40.  He asked, as a woman, what advice I have.  It’s been 6 years in this decade of life and I finally feel that I have something to offer by way of wisdom and experience in the area.  We’ll call it an answer to that question.

It sucked horribly, incredibly, mostly…  It was full of loss, especially of the innocence and even a lot of the beauty and freshness that goes along with it.  It was full of …gravity.  


  1. The force that attracts a body toward the center of the earth
  2. The degree of intensity of this, measured by acceleration.
seriousness - weight - gravitation - solemnity

The balance to all the losses, the GRAVITY, creeps up on me slowly now.  I am deeper (more CENTERED). I know how much I don’t know and that humbling experience gives me more connection with the people I love, even if I am on shakier ground when I have it.  It’s more real.  And I find THAT infinitely more interesting than the perfection my pre-40 self sought.  

As for advice, if I may be so bold, here it is:

If you care for your mother at all, if you think that she may be wise and wonderful (even if she drives you crazy lots of the time), if you ever had a thought that she might be right (but didn’t want to admit it)…  if that’s YOUR mother, then here’s what to do:

  1. Write it all down.  Everything she gave you as ‘advice’.
  2. Print it or post it electronically where you can see it.
  3. Use it every day.
  4. Stop apologizing (if that’s not on the list).  Be sorry sometimes and admit your mistakes and that doesn’t necessarily equal an apology. THANK YOU, MEL.
  5. Tell the truth. (if that’s not on the list) - THANK YOU, SARK.
  6. LIGHTEN UP.  It’s the only balance I know to the gravitational pull.  

In love and MAJiK,


Here it comes, there it goes…10-6=4 MAJiK

I didn’t think it was possible to cry this much or hurt so bad …without a bp of 240/140 or your dog dying in your arms, anyway.  

My sister, her husband and four children moved out 2 days ago…on Valentine’s Day. And my dog, my giant schnauzer, Shota, isn’t here for me to bury my face in her fur and hug and pat and mend the rip.  I have to believe it’s for the best and I have to believe that we are left with our original MAJiK.  I have my doubts.  And I feel so empty …in the quiet house and in my aching heart.

I know I know…I’m reading this and waiting for my number one to start laughing or my brother to start singing ‘Old MacDonald’.  I know I deserve yet another Oscar and that the drama is high.  That’s me.  Deal with it.  ”Never apologize for your feelings.  It’s like saying sorry for being real.”

I have not one single regret about how our perfect 10 time was spent; we love each other still and loved each other as well as we were able in the moment.  We all created a huge space of unselfish and considerate living and being.  I am grateful for the opportunity to know my sister, brother-in-law and my nieces and nephew as fully as one can only when living under one roof in our extreme circumstances.  This I know for sure, as Oprah says.

What I’m not so sure about is how to proceed now. The deciding to leave and the process of packing up happened with lightning speed.  That’s how they move, the Vears…FAST.  I have come to understand that with four children the ages theirs are, speed is of the essence if you wanna get ‘er done.  It’s just that …well… I’m a …reTARD.  I like it slow.  In fact, I think I actually NEED it slow.  And with no distractions, sometimes, when I really need to think.  So I asked for those things that I needed to function, thinking that we’d all just work it out as I would do when hearing/anticipating requests for modification from others.  You know, negotiate, compromise…be a team, committed together, working together for the good of the whole.

That didn’t happen.  They decided and left.  And now my doubts creep in and try to destroy all the above that I knew for sure (and am trying to hold onto for dear love)… the gnawing rat of icky thoughts like ‘they didn’t understand what I asked for’ or ‘how could they think that just because I wanted to know when or if I’d have a weekend alone in my house again it meant I didn’t want to be with them or their children’  uggg just saying it now out loud gives me the answer I need.  Upstream thought causing hurt; what am I thinking?  

I’m thinking that sometimes the truth hurts and maybe I need to face it.  But I have no perspective and my writing has always given me the way out.  As I’m trying to speed up the ‘results’ in my own life, having taken on some of their awesome habits, I’m here at the blog for the first update.  What a bummer of a first update.  But I’m looking for support, insight and truth…PERSPECTIVE…from the people who know and love us.  It is, after all, the whole reason I created the blog in the first place.

So lemme have it.  Don’t hold back.  Thanks for listening and for whatever contribution you make.  I’m gonna go dance to some Gaga and get happy…and of course, make sure I’m ready for Ella’s return next week.

keyguy13 asked:

I would like to see more posts here

Ok…so here’s a question:  What does being ‘40’ signify in your life?  How has turning 40 been empowering?  How has it been challenging?  What advice do you have for a woman turning 40?

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